On Weight Loss

I've been on a 12 year journey of weight loss. This has been an issue for me since I went to Germany in Grade 11 and gained 15 lbs. I didn't try to get it off until I was in university where I joined various gyms and never succeeded at attaining my weight goals. Then I got married and had two babies. I gained 30 more pounds. I've been on various diets, joined at least 6 different exercise programs. I'm just a quitter.

The thing is -- I don't walk around feeling disgusting and gross. I've always kind of just dealt with it by changing my wardrobe and hair. I love to look pretty. I love to dress up and put on make up. I love having my hair done. But I am fully aware of the fact that it is not "skinniness" that makes one pretty. But don't get me wrong. I'm not contradicting myself in this post by saying that I don't want to be thin. I TOTALLY do.

But the truth is, as much as I want to look "hot" by today's standards, I also want to know that I have CONTROL. I want control over my eating. I want to have control over my muscle strength. I want control over my appearance. I want control over myself. I think the weight problem for me is more about willpower. And there are a lot of things in my life that can use more of that.

So this time I'm going to do it. I'm going to will myself into a change physically that will probably change me spiritually too. I'm ready for that. I'm going to change my thinking on eating. I'm going to make exercise easier and less time consuming. I'm going to believe that I can get there. 32 pounds. And by making this public I'm taking a pretty big risk. I could fail in front of everyone I know and love. Even some I don't know. I just want to be my best. I want to be healthy, in less pain, active and strong. The side affect of hotness is a great bonus. I'm down 6.2. Only 25.8 and a whole different mindset to go.